A little update . . .

 If you have either talked to me, or read my away messages, you know that over the past couple weeks I have been sad and confused about what has happened in my life. It's been crazy, lots of stuff has happened, good stuff and not so good stuff.  Friends moving, the end of debate season (well maybe that was a little longer than a couple weeks), fights, and many other things that were hard for me.  

Now, if I did talk to you in the past two/three weeks, I would like to say thank you!  Now many of you may be thinking "We didn't talk about anything important and it didn't really have a point . . . . ?" but I've gained something by all of my conversations lately.  It's all been helpful, a little tid bit of advice here and there, or just bringing a smile to my face, it's all greatly appreciated. 

I'm not saying it's all over, not at all, I'm still in the middle of this "battle" and don't expect it to be over too soon.  But I know that God will help me through it and never leave me nor forsake me and that you all, my friends, are all wonderfully amazing!  And I could never ask for better friends, I'm not even sure I deserve all of you marvelous people, but I know that I love all of you and thank you God for you daily.  And thus concludes my strange and disorganized post about my life currently. =P 

-Sarah

P.S. Here is two songs that I have been listening a lot lately (I can send it to you if you want me too). 

"Feels Like Tonight"

(http://youtube.com/watch?v=g8fYZbjJEkM)

and 

"I Will Lift My Eyes to You"

(http://youtube.com/watch?v=FtAjrNqEsoM)
I have to post the lyrics

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

(Chorus) 

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now.
So hold me now

Philippians 4:13

I'm sure you've heard the verse "I can do all things through Christ you strengthens me." After the tournament in Florida that I attended, I started thinking about this verse.  I had thought that I had fully given the tournament to God. He would work his will at the tournament and I have no doubt that what happen was exactly what I needed. My Mom said I needed a lesson in humility and that is what God gave me. 

As I reflected on the tournament, on the rounds and my frustration with the judges, I realized, that the whole time I was expecting to break. In my mind it was clear, I would hear my name amongst those who were said to have broken. My train of thought was simple, I gave the tournament to God, I can do anything with God, and so I would break, right?  Well, after a dismaying announcement of breaks, I started really thinking about what had gone wrong.  I found nothing amiss that I could remember, I gave my speeches to God and nothing came from them. After the tournament, ballots just aided in disheartenment, the incomplete ballots and lacking RFD, left me wondering what had gone wrong. 

However it was on a few points I was wrong. I realized that this past Sunday.  I believed that I had jumped off that proverbial cliff and was holding on to the verse.  But I realized that I had merely leaned off the cliff and had grabbed on, my feet firmly planted on the fact that I could do it alone. After realizing that fact, I had a little problem with it, I hadn't done everything I could have. I was mad at myself for letting this happen. I had let down Rachel by not doing it completely. Letting myself down, I could deal with that, but letting other people down . . . that was a little bit harder. 

  

And then I realized another flaw in my seemingly full commitment to God: I wasn't doing it for Him. I looked at my motive for competing, and it wasn't Him, for awhile on Sunday I tried to convince myself that I did do it for Him. But I soon realized I wanted to break because I was expected to (well at least it seemed that way to me) and for the gratification.  Not for God at all, well yes, I did want to glorify God with the skills I would acquire, but I was not competing for God.

This was hard for me to take, I had thought this was for God, when I really did it for my own selfish reasons. But after my realization of the failure, I looked back at the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and realized, my failure of giving  the tournament to God effected me harder than the fact I didn't break.  But that verse it gives hope to the hopeless and encouragement to all who need it.  It says God will give me strength to move on from this, and as a special side-note for me has provided many lessons to learn.  Some that were a little hard for me to take. But God will help me through it, and that fact gives me hope. 

Well, there we go (yeah took a while longer than we thought) it's done, finished, fine! =) Also, I will be debating a lot the next few.....months, with 4 tournaments in 2 months. Hopefully I will qualify! But that just to say, The next podcast will be out when I get a round to it. =) So, scratch that "Bi-weekly" stuff. Maybe "Bi-monthly" lol. So here it is! 

-Sarah

Announcing the beginning of Dr. Sarah's Podcast!

For school I had an assignment, something I had always wanted to do, but never did it. I am now on the brink of releasing the long anticipated podcast. By me of course. Before I had no clue what to talk about. Politics? That was an definitely option. History? But there are no new advancements. Randomness? This was the most likely thing, but who would listen to me ramble? But then I had this assignment and it seemed to click. Science. I’m interested in it and it is interesting to talk about.

So here I sit, recording this podcast, which will officially released tomorrow and hopefully put on iTunes in the weeks to follow. It will be a bi-weekly podcast on science. If you have any requests I urge you to e-mail them to me at sarahbrooke118@gmail.com. Well, there you go.

-Dr. Sarah
(Oooooh, has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?)